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Resident Douche M3 Driver
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1,597 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Well, the last few days here have been hell on my bowels. I had the runs for a couple of days and I thought I was in the clear. I was relieved to be having dry farts and I though everything was going to be OK.

Anyways, I'm sleeping on my cot, when I'm suddenly awakened by some serious cramps and the urge to....well, let one loose. Now this is usually fun in a tent with 7 other guys (it's a guy thing), and I was silently laughing in anticipation of the stench that would soon fill the tent. I was expecting the normal gasps of outrage, and it was during these thoughts I tried to squeeze it out.

Well, there I am, laying on my stomach with my butt somewhat elevated under the covers. I'm pushing, but my butt feels kind of glued together, so I push harder. Suddenly, what erupted was not the loud blast I had been expecting. No, what I heard was a much quieter grurgling wet sounding Blaaaattt. :eek:

I lay there in silent mortification. I was pushing pretty hard, so the liquidy geyser that gushed forth was not small. I could feel it on my legs, back, and running under me.

At about this time I hear somebody say "what the hell was that"? I'm trying to lay thier quietly and figure out what to do next, when the smell hit me. Within a few seconds everybody else was gasping and leaving the tent.

I slowly got up and cleaned myself off the best I could with the clean parts of my sheets. I bundled them up and put them all in a plastic bag to take to the dumpster. About this time I hear the cans of deodorant spraying throughout the tent, so now there is a smell of crap and Old Spice, and about 3 other kinds of deodorant. Everbody is also pissed off at being awakened by the smell. One individual put on his gas mask. He was walking around sounding like Darth Vader when I hear him say "I think my mask is Fu&*#! because I can still smell it".

Everybody still thinks it was just a normal fart and I intend to keep it that way. I still have to figure out where to get some more sheets, but for now I'm going to break out my sleeping bag and reflect for a while on what happened.
 

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Banned
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9,432 Posts
I, personally, would like to thank you for sharing that lovely picture. :hail: :barf: :barf: :barf: :barf:









I need a drink now. :drink: :drink: :drink:
 

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Sensible Contributor
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1,439 Posts
leafbumperin said:
I, personally, would like to thank you for sharing that lovely picture. :hail: :barf: :barf: :barf: :barf:

I need a drink now. :drink: :drink: :drink:
And you wonder why you can't get a sheila ? :p
 

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Banned
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9,432 Posts
isszy said:
And you wonder why you can't get a sheila ? :p
Oh I'm not wondering, I know exactly why, just can't seem to change it. :banghead:
 

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Got V8
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241 Posts
LMFAO, Thats a classic. Nothing worse than trying to fart and you end up slinging mud,lol.
 

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ya im french what of it !
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800 Posts
LOL i see this post getten deleted thats more info then anyone needs to know..

dude do your self a favor get a dog they will listen to you no matter what you say.
trust me this is a better story for your dog or something.

way to much info.............
 

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2004 Torrid Red GTO
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1,119 Posts
LOL! I even called my brother over (he has a 2002 Firebird Formula, incidently) and we both were in tears!
 

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Banned
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9,432 Posts
Brings back memories of....


"If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis"
 

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NASA Instructor, MW/GL Region
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460 Posts
Remind us to never take u on a trip with us. Nasty , just nasty!!!!! :barf:
:gr_jest:
 

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GO STEELERS!
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5,106 Posts
Ha ha ha, I did that in college once.

I wake up to get ready for class and usually let off a nice colon cleansing fart, but alas, on this day it was colon lubricating.

Luckily my roommate was still asleep and I hadn't gotten dressed yet.

Nice story...

BTW how the hell are you going to get new sheets, and whats your story going to be to get them?
 

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Resident Douche M3 Driver
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1,597 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Fast GTO said:
BTW how the hell are you going to get new sheets, and whats your story going to be to get them?
Well, I found a fitted sheet in a box in the laundry tent, so I washed it twice and now I'm on the prowl for a top sheet. It also appears nobody else in the tent knows what really happened.
 

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Custom User Title
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676 Posts
Just tell your 1st Sgt what happened. Im sure he/she will be sympathetic and hook you up with new linens.
 

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dozlert
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1,951 Posts
Man, I am glad I joined the AF, we at least are billeted in separate rooms! At least your bunkmates received a little early morning practice of putting their gas masks on.

TD
 

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Resident Douche M3 Driver
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1,597 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
dozlert said:
Man, I am glad I joined the AF, we at least are billeted in separate rooms! At least your bunkmates received a little early morning practice of putting their gas masks on.

TD

Don't be too glad, I'm in the AF also. I just seem to get the less desireable deployments.
 

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Resident Douche M3 Driver
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1,597 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Ude-Lose said:
do we really need to hear about your sh*t ?
Don't worry, you'll be okay. Just take a Midol and lay down for a while. :p
 

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GO STEELERS!
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5,106 Posts
We have some SOW-T guys in my unit, they get all kinds of great schools and get some extra pay for having to tag along with an Army Unit.
 

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Autobahn Fahrer
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2,811 Posts
dozlert said:
I think I will settle for my extra pay in Korea...although I don't get the tax exempt status I used to.

TD
You know that's bull****. I was happy when I heard that they were giving it to the guys in Korea. They took it away? That's jacked.

To the shatting sheets:

Yeah...been there...g-danged Kosovo Kraps
 
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